Dirty gits in public toilets

fields5069 · June 2016

This is pretty tame, but also pretty strange, at least I thought so at the time and still do.

I used to have a Saturday job in M&S, in the warehouse, which was the king of all Saturday jobs as I was nearly on £3 an hour in 1985. Anyway, one morning the rumour goes around that something was amiss. It turns out that someone had taken a massive dump in the "executive" toilets, Yes, they had separate toilets for workers and management. Nothing untoward had been done with the turd, it was just massive and it was assumed that it couldn't have come from the perfumed derrieres of the top brass. So us warehouse lot were lined up and given a talking to - "we want the perpetrator to own up", etc. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing and it will forever stick in my memory. Elitist toilets. We all wondered what made those toilets so special.

harpo · June 2016

I can't deal with the snot / boogie wipers on the walls an the doors....Ffs there's tissue and a bog right at hand. It's really fucking annoying that there's no way of catching them. Makes me wonder if they do it at home?? Obviously not so what makes it acceptable in work bogs? Grrrrrr!

tampadragon · June 2016

I find that the fearful thing is when you walk into a cubicle and the lid is down! now is that just someone who drops the lid before flushing to avoid unnecessary spray of toilet water, or is there some unspeakable horror waiting for you!

An old boss of mine once said that in a previous company an employee had "laid a log" and you could have hollowed it out and used it as a canoe, I wonder how these people can walk normally after something like that!

Axe_meister · June 2016

Why did I read that as dirty girls in public toilets??

breakstuff · June 2016

We share a single toilet at work (no urinal) between ten blokes and any number of lorry drivers that are on site
and needless to say,making a visit is not a pleasant experience.So much so that on most days I actually go home on my lunch break rather than use the vastly inadequate facilities.Some of the horrors I've seen could scar you for life.

I'm pretty sure there's regulations in place about minimum amount of toilets per number of workers,though I may be wrong.

Blaendulais · June 2016

ThorpyFX said:

I've worked in an organisation where there were a large quantity of different cultures. They had signs on the door to show how to use the loo. Despite inventing the toilet and exporting it around the world, many countries don't adopt the same practices, I.e. Many prefer to put their feet on the seat and squat through the hole divebombing....

Divebombing - i thought you were army not air force. Ground support?

ESBlonde · June 2016

Toilet paper is in short supply, please use both sides.

Nikko · June 2016

My work place is also full of filthy animals as well. Ive lost count of the amount of times ive walked in there to find massive amounts of pebble dash (theres a bloody loo brush right there mate), on the back AND sides of the bowl. Im not sure how people manage to get it on the sides to be honest as the cubicles are quite tight, and wouldn't be easy to swivel on the seat to do this.

I walked in there just this morning though, and someone had left the biggest shit in there that I think ive ever seen. Seriously, it was like King Kongs finger, and must have REALLY hurt on the way out. I don't recall seeing anyone hobbling back to there desk though, so might have been there all weekend.

Kebabkid · June 2016

We had a "Phantom Crapper" at work who used to crap on the porcelain rim of the toilet on the last Friday of the month. Despite warnings from HR and offers of help, we never found out who he was.

We were all told to be vigilante and on one such Friday, Trap 3 had been occupied for an unusually lengthy amount of time and we thought we'd caught the culprit. As it was late in the day, Security left their desk to apprehend Mr.Whippy only to find that The Phantom Crapper had already struck in that toilet earlier that day and Facilities had refused to clean it up and locked the door.

Security returned to their post only to find that in their absence, the Phantom Crapper had struck behind their desk!!!

Unhygienic, troubled and weird although we did have someone who worked there with the surname de Sade. I'm joking but the rest is true.

Col_Decker · June 2016

The greatest challenge with making a bombing run in my office walking past the table of finance ladies. All 6 of them range from young hottie to Milf. If they see me walk past their desk to the bogs, and 10 mins later walk back, they'll all know I've been for a shit.

I cannot accept that so I have to make a 5 min walk to the other factory toilets for #2's.

Dopesick · June 2016

It is a case of Russian Poo-lette when I wandered in the toilets at my old workplace. One time I opened the cubicle door and found somebody asleep with his trousers round his ankles.

It's worse in the shopping centre I have to walk through every day to get to work - the public toilets are frequented by gobshite school kids and the like - so opening the toilet lid will probably unveil a huge smattering of bangers and mash in the bowl.

jamiexsilver · June 2016

A mate of mine lived with a load of sports students at uni they were all big rugby players, blokes you didn't want to mess with. They had a game called 'Hide the shit'
Basically they took it in turns to have a shit somewhere in the house and the others had to find it, the longer it went unfound the better as you were the winner.
One guy took it to the extreme. He took the big communal tub of butter and melted it down, did a poo in the tub and poured the melted butter back over his poo and let it set and put it back in the fridge. Everyone in the house used the butter for a few days before he came clean and told them. They thought they it was hilarious.

My mate moved out shortly after.

CabbageCat · June 2016

I university friend of mine used to deliberately wee on the things around the toilet instead of the toilet itself. He once came back to our bar table to proudly declare that someone had left the cover to the toilet roll dispenser on the floor so he had filled it up with wee.

If memory serves I considered it to be quite funny at the time. Not sure I would now though.

UnclePsychosis · June 2016

jamiexsilver said:

A mate of mine lived with a load of sports students at uni they were all big rugby players, blokes you didn't want to mess with. They had a game called 'Hide the shit'
Basically they took it in turns to have a shit somewhere in the house and the others had to find it, the longer it went unfound the better as you were the winner.
One guy took it to the extreme. He took the big communal tub of butter and melted it down, did a poo in the tub and poured the melted butter back over his poo and let it set and put it back in the fridge. Everyone in the house used the butter for a few days before he came clean and told them. They thought they it was hilarious.

My mate moved out shortly after.

Game played by Gentlemen, rugger. Gentlemen.

gubble · June 2016

What is wrong with some of these people?

Both psychologically and also medically. With some of the things we have to endure in the work toilet bowl I worry that some people are seriously poorly and need to go to a dr

Bogwhoppit · June 2016

Shit thread.

chillidoggy · June 2016

Worst I've seen was in the bogs at Ockham Bites on the A3. It looked like someone had stood in front of the open khazi door, and their arse had exploded with the worst case of the squitters I've ever seen. Literally everything was covered in pebbledash, the bog, the walls, the cistern, the lot. It looked like it had been shot from a hosepipe.

I wasn't sure whether I was shocked or worried for the bloke.

axisus · June 2016

A bad story from my current work (that I have mentioned before a year or so ago) - It's a big building, 450 or so staff. Someone would use one of the male toilet cubicles on the ground floor, and then smear excrement on the walls of the cubicle and the actual toilet as well. This happened probably 4 times over a period of months, but eventually he was caught in the act and dismissed ........ he was one of the canteen chefs ...... euchhhh!

Col_Decker · June 2016

Who was it who had The Phantom Poo-er at their work? I loved the stories of finding rogue turds outside the office door in the morning.

snakemanStoo · June 2016

Col_Decker said:

Who was it who had The Phantom Poo-er at their work? I loved the stories of finding rogue turds outside the office door in the morning.

Mags had a few stories like that

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Dirty gits in public toilets

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