Friday humour

Bridgehouse

Fretwired

steveledzep

Fretwired said:

Lego have closed all their outlets.  Think they're "bricking it".

Hootsmon

HAL9000

Back in the 60s, Michael Caine was a good friend of Jim Morrison. As a surprise, he arranged for some prostitutes to be waiting in the dressing room when he and the band came offstage. But the girls went to the wrong dressing room, and when Caine finally tracked them down, they were kneeling in front of Ray Davies and the Kinks, unzipping their flies. And he said...

"You were only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!"

DesVegas

https://i.imgur.com/WvaviH3.png

Fretwired

HAL9000

Due to the current corona virus situation Mrs9000 suggested that I wear a mask and latex gloves for my Sainsbury’s trip. Felt really silly - she really should have mentioned shirt and trousers as well.

Kittyfrisk

Aaah now, c'mon lads...

kossofffan

Hootsmon

breakstuff

I did a massive shop earlier as there was a big delivery in. Bought bog roll, pasta, bread, soup, hand gels, meat, loads of tins, the lot. My trolley was absolutely rammed, piled high. Then I saw this old bloke behind me with only a couple of things. He looked sad and said, “I’ve only managed to get a box of Kleenex and a bag of nuts, everything else is gone." I felt terrible, there I was with all this stuff waiting in line and this poor old man had fuck all, so I did the right thing and said to him, “You go in front, mate, you’ve only got two things"

HAL9000

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain for dinner, and asks to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrives, he asks what kind of meat it contains. 'Sir, these are the cojones,' the waiter replies. 'The what, you say?' exclaims the tourist. 'They are testicles of the bull killed in the ring today,' explains the waiter. The tourist gulps, but tastes the dish anyway, and finds it delicious. Each day for the rest of the week, the tourist orders the same dish. On the final day he finishes his meal, and comments to the waiter: 'Today's cojones are much smaller than the ones I had yesterday.' 'True, sir,' replies the waiter, 'you see sometimes the bull does not lose...'

maltingsaudio

For those home tutoring
https://twitter.com/spainjoanne/status/1241457197495848960?s=21

TTony

blobb

How's the home working going then...?

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

Fretwired

Say what you like about him but Boris is the only person to finally end the DFS sale

axisus