Friday humour

spark240

A man swallowed a load of Scrabble letters.....Taking a dump could spell Disaster....;-)

EricTheWeary

Sadly I have been fired from my job as a kitchen porter for stealing equipment. Still, it was a whisk I was willing to take. 

Hootsmon

DesVegas

...

https://i.imgur.com/7WesqfG.jpg

AlexC

Here’s one of mine - make of it what you will.

Mick Jagger’s trying to earn some extra cash. He knocked on my door the other day and asked if I needed any odd jobs doing. I said he could cut the grass for a tenner and off he went, singing away. I was very pleased. He did a great job.
A week later and he’s back.
”Like, any more like stuff I can do for ya, man?” 

I said if he washed the car I’d give him another tenner. So he did. He got his leopard skin leggings a little wet, but I was very pleased with the end result.
Six days later and he’s back again.
I’m thinking... “Er, I’ve got a ladder in the garage and you could clean out the gutters, if you’d like.”
He took a right strop and stormed off down the street.
Apparently a rolling stone gathers no moss.

Kittyfrisk

DesVegas

Wow

EricTheWeary

 I was involved in an accident earlier today, hit by a falling crate of Omega 3 capsules. Thankfully, I only received super fish oil injuries. 

RandallFlagg

With the new symptoms added to the list for Coronavirus I have recommended my boss goes for a test after he mentioned he's just created a Nickelback playlist for his phone.

Kittyfrisk

Hootsmon

Kittyfrisk

Interesting hashtag 

mart

It worked better with Susan Boyle’s #susanalbumparty although I suspect even that was apocryphal.

the_jaffa

mart said:

It worked better with Susan Boyle’s #susanalbumparty although I suspect even that was apocryphal.

It actually wasn’t apocryphal but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the accident it was alleged to be. Some clever marketing I reckon as it reached a lot further than it would have normally. 

Hootsmon

axisus

axisus

DesVegas

Look, if I said I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it. You don't have to keep reminding me every six months.

Kittyfrisk

Hootsmon