Friday humour

EricTheWeary · May 2020

https://i.imgur.com/xBAygjn.jpg

Moominpapa · May 2020

Kittyfrisk · May 2020

mart · May 2020

Moominpapa said:

That’s it! I saw that photo of Cummings, and knew I’d seen it somewhere, in a film or a cartoon or something. I was thinking Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but I’d forgotten Doonesbury.

Kittyfrisk · May 2020

When my wife left me, I was really very upset, sad & lonely.

It was really hard to cope with being a man in lockdown.

Since then, I have got a dog, bought a motorbike, had random sex with strangers and spent an absolute shedload of my savings on drink, drugs and buying cool guitars.

She’ll go fucking mental when she gets home from work.

Barnezy · May 2020

Kittyfrisk · May 2020

axisus · May 2020

Image: https://i.ibb.co/bNW9DXY/Screen-Shot-2020-05-25-at-20-29-50.jpg

rlw · May 2020

Kittyfrisk said:

V witty but there’s no sea at Durham

axisus · May 2020

My best mates and I played a game of hide and seek. It went on for hours...

Well, good friends are hard to find.

I broke my finger last week…….On the other hand, I’m okay.

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay…….You have my Word.

eBay is so useless. …….. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. …….All I did was take a day off.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. …I have a hunch, it might be me.

Don't spell part backwards……. It's a trap.

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type.

As he died, he kept saying, children "be positive," but life is hard without him.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? …….Well, the flag is a big plus.

How did I escape Iraq? ………..Iran.

To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero……..Thanks for nothing!

Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" ….. Dad: "No sun."

My math teacher called me average. ……….How mean!

axisus · May 2020

Image: https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/98344879_4233258616687829_5283057039642198016_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_oc=AQkKlv8NoJT1vxPBNTG-OsBtjad57YgoS4Rg4yW2seHg2kwjS2Ag8lAxLVgvZPvNhHE&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=f674d11393e095d003887e3022daa0d1&oe=5EF3B839

Grunfeld · May 2020

Not new, still daft

https://twitter.com/i/status/1265085602707288064

wish I could embed

boogieman · May 2020

Bob the Builder goes out clubbing. He approaches a woman and whispers in her ear.

“Hello love. I’m Bob the Builder. I’ve got an 8 inch dick and I can shag all night”.

They end up going back to her place.

A little while later the woman complains.

“You said you had an 8 inch dick and you could shag all night! Your dick is only 4 inches long and you lasted about 3 minutes!!”

”I’m a builder love. It was only an estimate”