Friday humour

Winny_Pooh

TheOtherDennis

OI!

I resemble that remark (and besides, where can I get such a groovy phone??)

bobeschism

HAL9000

bobeschism said:

Archaeopteryx catches the worm…

Stratavarious

TheMarlin said:

Emp_Fab said:

TheMarlin said:

How has this not got the most LOLs of any post in this thread?!

It's the only one so far that has made me almost soil myself.

@themarlin

It did make me chuckle. However, some might take offence as is the fashion these days. 

Yep. Some people are so small minded.     But as a joke, its head and shoulders above some of the others.

Kittyfrisk

bazxkr

TheOtherDennis said:

OI!

I resemble that remark (and besides, where can I get such a groovy phone??)

That phone looks like the Motorola 8000x..... had one for a while as a demo in 1985....... think they were £3.5k to buy and only worked inside the M25 cos the cellnet service only worked in London when it was first active. The difference a few decades make to technology !!!!

ronnyb

bazxkr said:

TheOtherDennis said:

OI!

I resemble that remark (and besides, where can I get such a groovy phone??)

That phone looks like the Motorola 8000x..... had one for a while as a demo in 1985....... think they were £3.5k to buy and only worked inside the M25 cos the cellnet service only worked in London when it was first active. The difference a few decades make to technology !!!!

Yes, had one with work. The handset slid into a cradle in the boot of the car and connected to another handset on the dash.

ronnyb

Stratavarious said:

TheMarlin said:

Emp_Fab said:

TheMarlin said:

How has this not got the most LOLs of any post in this thread?!

It's the only one so far that has made me almost soil myself.

@themarlin

It did make me chuckle. However, some might take offence as is the fashion these days. 

Yep. Some people are so small minded.     But as a joke, its head and shoulders above some of the others.

Marks and Spencer and Maynards are changing the name of their midget gems to avoid offending people with dwarfism.

HAL9000

ronnyb said:

Stratavarious said:

TheMarlin said:

Emp_Fab said:

TheMarlin said:

How has this not got the most LOLs of any post in this thread?!

It's the only one so far that has made me almost soil myself.

@themarlin

It did make me chuckle. However, some might take offence as is the fashion these days. 

Yep. Some people are so small minded.     But as a joke, its head and shoulders above some of the others.

Marks and Spencer and Maynards are changing the name of their midget gems to avoid offending people with dwarfism.

Will they be doing that shortly?

Poboy

That'll give them paws for thought.

axisus

Emp_Fab said:

TheMarlin said:

How has this not got the most LOLs of any post in this thread?!

It's the only one so far that has made me almost soil myself.

@themarlin

Well that fact that it's an old joke and we have seen it before doesn't exactly help.

axisus

TheMarlin

equalsql

My talented new drummer..

Haych

My doorbell rang this morning and, when I opened it, there stood my mother-in-law.

She asked, "Can I stay here for a few days?"

I replied, "Sure!" and closed the door.

Haych

It was the actor's big scene on set with a live lion. He was obviously apprehensive.

He asked the handler, "How do I know this lion is safe?"

The handler assured him, "No worries. Before the lion's scene, we'll make sure he's had sex. That takes the 'edge' off him."

The actor was not convinced. "I was more worried about him eating me!"

"Oh, no worries. We also feed him beforehand."

"Yes, but what if he does run for me?"

The handler said, "That's simple: if he charges you, reach around, grab a handful of shit, and throw it in his face."

"Where do I get the shit?"

"Don't worry. It'll be there!"

Kittyfrisk

rogd

EricTheWeary

I have been listening to loads of Barry Cryer jokes and stories. This is apparently a true(ish) story...

Barry was involved in a TV show and there was another comedian who did the warm up with the studio audience. The young BBC producer was apparently a bit anxious about using him but didn't have much choice. The comedian started his act by saying he knew all the characteristics of the star signs and if people shouted out what star sign they were he would tell them.
 "Aquarius!" shouted a member of the audience.
"Loud mouthed and always first to answer" said the comedian and there was a ripple of laughter in the theatre before he carried on with the rest of his act.
Afterwards the producer took him to one side and said "I love your act, especially that first joke about star signs. Tell me, how did you know it was going to be Aquarius..."