Friday humour

TheOtherDennis

EricTheWeary said:

I have been listening to loads of Barry Cryer jokes and stories. This is apparently a true(ish) story...

Barry was involved in a TV show and there was another comedian who did the warm up with the studio audience. The young BBC producer was apparently a bit anxious about using him but didn't have much choice. The comedian started his act by saying he knew all the characteristics of the star signs and if people shouted out what star sign they were he would tell them.
 "Aquarius!" shouted a member of the audience.
"Loud mouthed and always first to answer" said the comedian and there was a ripple of laughter in the theatre before he carried on with the rest of his act.
Afterwards the producer took him to one side and said "I love your act, especially that first joke about star signs. Tell me, how did you know it was going to be Aquarius..."  

I also love that one he told about how he first discovered Jewish humour. He said he was sat next to a Jewish boy in school, when they were about 10 years old.

The teacher pointed to the Jewish kid and said "Ok, Maurice, what's 10% of £52?"

And the boy replied "My thoughts exactly, sir. What's 10%?"

545454

Kittyfrisk

bertie

Kittyfrisk said:

get there early,  there's bound to be a queue  

Lebarque

Kittyfrisk said:

Something tells me you won't be potting the pink (or brown) that night...

breakstuff

Lebarque said:

Kittyfrisk said:

Something tells me you won't be potting the pink (or brown) that night...

There's a joke about screwback in there somewhere, but god knows if I can find it.

the_jaffa

Give it a break lads. 

Stratavarious

the_jaffa said:

Give it a break lads. 

And that is my cue for a snooker joke

rogd

Just chalk it up to experience and play pocket billiards.

springhead

breakstuff said:

Lebarque said:

Kittyfrisk said:

Something tells me you won't be potting the pink (or brown) that night...

There's a joke about screwback in there somewhere, but god knows if I can find it.

And also one to do with a black triangle.  

bertie

Stratavarious said:

the_jaffa said:

Give it a break lads. 

And that is my cue for a snooker joke

* cough *  points up  * cough *

zepp76

EricTheWeary

TheOtherDennis said:

EricTheWeary said:

I have been listening to loads of Barry Cryer jokes and stories. This is apparently a true(ish) story...

Barry was involved in a TV show and there was another comedian who did the warm up with the studio audience. The young BBC producer was apparently a bit anxious about using him but didn't have much choice. The comedian started his act by saying he knew all the characteristics of the star signs and if people shouted out what star sign they were he would tell them.
 "Aquarius!" shouted a member of the audience.
"Loud mouthed and always first to answer" said the comedian and there was a ripple of laughter in the theatre before he carried on with the rest of his act.
Afterwards the producer took him to one side and said "I love your act, especially that first joke about star signs. Tell me, how did you know it was going to be Aquarius..."  

I also love that one he told about how he first discovered Jewish humour. He said he was sat next to a Jewish boy in school, when they were about 10 years old.

The teacher pointed to the Jewish kid and said "Ok, Maurice, what's 10% of £52?"

And the boy replied "My thoughts exactly, sir. What's 10%?"

This was another Cryer/ Jewish humour joke ( I forget his name but Barry had a lifelong friend would tell him these stories): 

A priest, a vicar and a rabbi are discussing matters of faith and the subject of miracles came up. 

“I was once on a boat” said the priest “and a terrible storm blew up and I thought we were going to die. I got on my knees and prayed and suddenly for 100 yards all around the sea was calm and we were able to make it to safety.” 

“I was once in a small plane” said the vicar “and terrible turbulence was tossing it about and I thought we were going to die. I got on my knees and prayed and suddenly for 100 yards all around the turbulence stopped and we were able to make it to safety.” 

“I once went to the synagogue on the sabbath” said the rabbi “and there was a large bag on the steps of the building. I opened the bag and to my surprise it was full of money which started to blow away down the street. A rabbi is of course forbidden from even touching money on the sabbath. I got on my knees and prayed and suddenly  for 100 yards all around it was Wednesday.” 

PetGerbil

TheOtherDennis said:

EricTheWeary said:

I have been listening to loads of Barry Cryer jokes and stories. This is apparently a true(ish) story...

Barry was involved in a TV show and there was another comedian who did the warm up with the studio audience. The young BBC producer was apparently a bit anxious about using him but didn't have much choice. The comedian started his act by saying he knew all the characteristics of the star signs and if people shouted out what star sign they were he would tell them.
 "Aquarius!" shouted a member of the audience.
"Loud mouthed and always first to answer" said the comedian and there was a ripple of laughter in the theatre before he carried on with the rest of his act.
Afterwards the producer took him to one side and said "I love your act, especially that first joke about star signs. Tell me, how did you know it was going to be Aquarius..."  

I also love that one he told about how he first discovered Jewish humour. He said he was sat next to a Jewish boy in school, when they were about 10 years old.

The teacher pointed to the Jewish kid and said "Ok, Maurice, what's 10% of £52?"

And the boy replied "My thoughts exactly, sir. What's 10%?"

I've given it a few days. Annnnd....I still don't get it ?

DesVegas

Lol, Me either Pet

Temper Sent ??

axisus

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