Friday humour

Cols

Winny_Pooh said:

HAL9000

A sloth goes into a police station and says ‘I’ve just been mugged by a tortoise’.

’Okay’ says the desk sergeant ‘can you describe your attacker?’.

’No’ says the sloth ‘it all happened so fast’.

Winny_Pooh

Haych

My wife asked me if I’d seen the dog bowl. 

I said I never knew he did!

Shrews

 

Dav275

Where do bad Rainbows go?



Prism.
It's a light sentence, and gives them time to reflect.

axisus

Sporky

The Twilight one is particularly good.

axisus

Haych

munckee

I’m sat on a train headed for the big smoke. A drunk/high chap got on same stop as me. Sat down opposite a woman a few rows behind me,  I heard him say loudly “busy train at 8:24 that’s just what I fucking need innit. Nobody better try telling me what to do, I do what I fucking want when I fucking want.  No one tells me what to do!”  

A train guard was walking through the carriage and heard him and with great comedy timing said to him “ get your feet off the seat”

the drunk guy instantly said “sorry guvnor I didn’t realise”.  

Not a peep out of him before he got off the train. 

munckee

Double post. 

roberty

Winny_Pooh

Winny_Pooh

goldtop

Winny_Pooh said:

I'm printing that and accidentally leaving it on the printer for SWMBO to find.

Kittyfrisk

Dudley demolition company apologises for mistakenly levelling the wrong Crooked House.

axisus

Shrews

DesVegas

https://i.imgur.io/zwSrcP0_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium