The worst day of our life, totally and completely devastated.

johnnyurq

I am sorry to do such a post but I need an outlet to vent and keep sane.

Through the night we had a visit from the Police to inform us that our vital and very lovely youngest son had died very suddenly at a housewarming party.

His name is James and he was just 25 and along with our older lad our pride and joy, he was also a musician and excellent guitarist who did as I did not and learnt theory as well as the rest.

We are totally and completely desolated by this and cannot even see him to say farewell until Monday or Tuesday which is sheer torture for us all. We understand why but it does not help.

We are cycling between being numb, angry and disbelief. We have a James shaped hole in our life and hearts now.

How do you bear the unbearable and make sense of it?

We have no faith to comfort us and he chose not to accept religion by his own decision so we want to be true to his stated wishes to the full and it will be a humanist ceremony.

It is as bad an experience as you would expect it to be and I urge parents to cherish their sons and daughters every day because it can all change in a heartbeat.

octatonic

I'm so sorry to hear this johnny and my most sincere condolences to you and your wife.

25 is way too young.

Drew_TNBD

Holy fuck man... I'm so sorry... There are no words I can write, feels trite to even try.

bluechargeboy

Wow man, cannot imagine what you are going through. I have no adequate words, so I'll just say, vent away.

daveww

Deepest sympathies to you.  Words fail me and none can be enough.  At a time like this you need very strong support of you friends and family and I really hope your in a position to receive this.

CloudNine

Man, I am so sorry. There are no words. I have children and can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be going through. I hope you can try to find a way to deal with the coming weeks, month and years. Truly gutted for you and your family.

Myranda

Not wanting to sound insensitive but first thing popped into my head was the weird co-incidence that QI talked about the chances of sudden death just this week.

Condolences and such seem trite and inadequate in situations like this - there are no words of comfort that can magically fix your broken heart but we're all mates here and will be around for listening should you wish to vent/etc. *hugs*

Fretwired

So sorry Johnny .. I can only imagine the pain you're going through. Please accept my condolences.

strumjoughlamps

No words just virtual hugs..

Bellycaster

I'm truly devastated for you and your Family, Johnny. What an awful thing to happen.

Jalapeno

So sorry to hear this. Condolences.

Phil_aka_Pip

Johnny I am so sorry ... there's not much else I can say  

Emp_Fab

How sad.  Life can be so beautiful one moment and terrible the next.  25 is way too young.  I know it's early days but once the initial turmoil has settled a little, you might want to consider bereavement counselling.  Anything that helps get you and your partner though this as intact as possible can only be a good thing.  You still have your eldest boy, and each other.  God bless and remember - the best thing you can do for James now is to take care of yourselves.

mike_l

So sorry to hear that.

Thoughts are with you and your family

stonevibe

Thoughts are with you and your family.

I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling. If you need to vent we will all understand. 

digitalscream

Mate, sincerest sympathies from our house...no parent should ever have to go through this

johnnyurq

Thanks for all your kind words and it does help knowing that people can and do support one and another in these times.

Mostly we feel robbed of what he was going to become and our times together where he wanted us to play live together, silly and irrational I know but at times like this the wee things are magnified and his passing is made all the more real.

I really wish I could swap places with him and would in a heartbeat. But the truth is my wife and son need me to be strong enough to help them through it.

He never got to fulfill his potential which is a horrible truth we have to come to terms with.

I guess I wrote this because typing it out helped to express my grief in the first time alone in the house since it happened and I needed to demonstrate my love and loss for my son to myself.

Not trying to parade my grief just struggling to hold it together with everyone out to bring our grandson round.

But thanks for your comments they are comforting to an extent and much appreciated at this frankly surreal and scary time.

Off to start as much of the arrangements as possible so time to pull myself together for the family's sake..

VimFuego

I have no useful words, my deepest condolences.

digitalscream

johnnyurq said:

I guess I wrote this because typing it out helped to express my grief in the first time alone in the house since it happened and I needed to demonstrate my love and loss for my son to myself.

Not trying to parade my grief just struggling to hold it together with everyone out to bring our grandson round.

I think I can speak for everyone when I say it doesn't come across as parading your grief. Writing out your thoughts - especially on a public forum, weirdly - can be an enormous help in times like this. I have no experience with it myself, but I do know a few people who've had similar tragedies befall their families and they've all said that it helped them in some way; the worst times are when you're alone with your thoughts, even for a few moments, but right here you've 900 people who're happy to listen while you vent any time you feel you need to.

John_P

I can't begin to imagine how you must feel - You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers  - I'm so so sorry for your loss.

TTony

Have emailed you John.

Be strong for the family, but grieve properly too. 

Emp's suggestion is a good one - you certainly need to share all the feelings with someone who's not directly involved and suffering similarly.