Jacking it all in...

SNAKEBITE

I got divorced.

Expensive, but it does free up a bit of practice time.

jollytunes

Another lefty-playing-righty, my heroes are people like Nick Lowe and Bowie too as I enjoy writing songs so I'm a fingerpicker/strummer rather than playing lead guitar. Don't give up, if it gives you pleasure. It doesn't help that my wife takes very little interest in music either, she played piano when we met and doesn't even do that now, but at least she's supportive enough to encourage me to go out to play, lol. I don't think handedness is even an issue, an ear infection last year damaged both eardrums and left me with permanent tinnitus in one ear, but you get over these things, don't forget Tony Iommi was inspired to pick up a guitar again after being given a Django Reinhardt LP by his boss, both lost the use of their fingers and carried on and I can think of at least two people I know who haven't given up despite losing bits off their fingers themselves.

axisus

Pretty much all the original post applies to me, except I'm over 50 and have 4 kids. I'm terrible, I've never progressed much and have zero theory knowledge. Every day I play the same old crappy improv to the same tired old backing tracks. Am I giving up? NEVER!!!! I'm just itching to get home tonight, crank up a tele and annoy the wife.

Roland

Many of us have been through this in our thirties, when family and career take most of our time and energy. I didn't play for eleven years. 

darthed1981 said:

My wife however really intensely dislikes guitars and guitar based music.  ...  She also is tired and stressed a lot of the time ...

It sounds as if you've got a bigger problem. Guitar playing is just a symptom.

darthed1981

Roland said:

Many of us have been through this in our thirties, when family and career take most of our time and energy. I didn't play for eleven years. 

darthed1981 said:

My wife however really intensely dislikes guitars and guitar based music.  ...  She also is tired and stressed a lot of the time ...

It sounds as if you've got a bigger problem. Guitar playing is just a symptom.

Stress is certainly a problem for me, but it is for most of us I'd claim no special rights to it.

cruxiform

SNAKEBITE said:

I got divorced.

Expensive, but it does free up a bit of practice time.

Yup. My guitar playing has improved immensely since my divorce

Veganic

If you CAN give up then go for it (but get a uke or an acoustic, cos you can't really be without).

(Playing can be as much therapy as musical - it's why blues is so good to play but so shit to listen to.)

LuttiS

Have to say it's nice/reassuring to see that other people going / have gone through the 30's family & career guitar slump

Funkfingers

Use a recording device. Record chords along to a drum beat. Record melody over your chord work.

This exercise should demonstrate the importance of getting your rhythm playing tightly locked in with the drums. With practice, you should arrive at a standard of rhythm guitar playing that you would be content to solo over. 

If advanced chords and fancy scalar/modal widdling is beyond you, consider playing more slowly, more deliberately and, possibly, even, on four big strings. 

peteri

Like many people on here - I barely played during those 30's and young children years.

And in later life (now late 40's), kids are grown up - I play more than ever, and it's truly one of the joys of my life - I play at home, have lessons, learn songs. I rarely/never play with anyone else - and I'm happy with that. That will change one day, and I look forward to when it does.

What has surprised me recently is that I'm better than I think when I do play with others, and that's nice!

Both you and your wife need hobbies, you don't need to do them obsessively - but when you have young kids you need down time, you take the kids for a while / she has a nap, goes to the gym. And you get to do the same.

I think that it's very easy to forget that, particularly for men who work - the whole new man ideal puts a lot of pressure on working full time and being fully supportive at home You need a relaxing time as much as anyone else.

I agree with others on here, simplify what you do - I learnt AC/DC! Get a headphone amp, and have fun when you can.

Hope this helps, don't quit - you'll regret it at some point chances are.

Alnico

I'm not sure this will help but I'll try.

Last time you were round at my place (30 minutes from yours, very noise friendly and a totally focused space for music) I told you that you could come back anytime for lessons and free coffee, just give me some warning so I'm free, anytime from 2pm-8pm, 6 days a week.

Do you want me to play it for you?
You just bought my LTD EC401, which was still in out-of-the-box new condition and you've got a Boss Katana.........Put the others away and just leave that one out, placate the fun-reducing-agent and focus on that one guitar.
Borrow my noise cancelling headphones (Sennheiser HD 280 Pro). I can play an Iron Maiden concert full blast next to Natasha while she sleeps and she can't hear it. Let's face it, if you're struggling to play at all, wtf do you care about tone and the rest of that bollocks, as long as it sounds good in the headphones and believe me, these things sound incredible (£160 new).

Have I shown you how to fly your katana from the laptop? It's a piece of piss, I've still got it on mine which I kept for you for when you come 'round........now.........

I'm aware that my life has been like a war zone recently here and everyone who was at the Jam in Leicester knows that Natasha and I have had some very rough times.
In the last 7 days we've managed to fix 95% of the problems, keep hold of each other in some way and we're both a lot happier now so aside from the decorating which I've yet to still do, this place is back to normal and as free and open-door to you lot as it ever was - Thanks to those who do come around here fairly often for just staying out of the way recently, it really helped !

So, in the words of Tim Pierce, "Let's Review".......

• A (as good as) new LTD EC401
• A Boss Katana Amp
• Free use of expensive headphones
• Free Tutorial on how to fly the Katana from a laptop
• Free guitar lessons (and Coffee) any day you like for as long as you like on anything I'm capable of understanding and/or playing
• A pissed off wife that needs sweetening up.

This last one is easy.
Ed, I'm sorry but most of your guitars pale in the shadow of that LTD and yes, they may be great and whatever but with 12+ cheap guitars AND that LTD, it's no wonder your head's not with it in terms of real learning and progress, so kill two problems with one action.

Sell as many as you can get rid of but KEEP the LTD.
Give her ALL of the money from the sale of the guitars and tell her you love doing this and you want to get good so you've kept the good one and sold the rest to give her something she can love doing just as much.
Tell her to use the money to fund a hobby for herself,............because you care about her feeling.......ETC (!)

There's a solution in a box.

Question is, ....do you actually want to keep playing at all?

If not, do everything above except KEEP the LTD, AMP and spares and just put them away for when you next feel like playing.....and you will.
It's cyclic.
When you do realise you want to carry on and play again, pull out some decent kit and rock on.
That would cost you most of £1k to replace that guitar and amp brand new again. That *might* stop you doing this in future whereas having the guitar and amp put away is just effort to get it out again and *that's* Free !!!

As for stress,......You wouldn't want to know my thoughts on how to de-stress but there are millions of ways. Find one you 'Fit In' with and go with it.

Good luck mate.

I'll send you my new phone number now.

DaevidJ

If you enjoy it then don't quit. Can you practice in another room away from your wife?

I went through something similar ten years ago when my other half was making noises about me quitting my band. At the time we had a three your old child in tow and I though life was fairly well balanced with the band not doing many gigs during the year, however at the time it did not occur to me that my other half was feeling more and more isolated. She started to pick more and more at what she perceived as faults which included the band. I almost quit, however we separated before I did. I can see this now happening in my friends life with his wife and young child and it saddens me as he gets a lot of enjoyment playing and creating music both with our band and elsewhere.

I do hope you are able to find a middle path if nothing else. You need an outlet for the stress.

darthed1981

Alnico said:

I'm not sure this will help but I'll try.

Last time you were round at my place (30 minutes from yours, very noise friendly and a totally focused space for music) I told you that you could come back anytime for lessons and free coffee, just give me some warning so I'm free, anytime from 2pm-8pm, 6 days a week.

Do you want me to play it for you?
You just bought my LTD EC401, which was still in out-of-the-box new condition and you've got a Boss Katana.........Put the others away and just leave that one out, placate the fun-reducing-agent and focus on that one guitar.
Borrow my noise cancelling headphones (Sennheiser HD 280 Pro). I can play an Iron Maiden concert full blast next to Natasha while she sleeps and she can't hear it. Let's face it, if you're struggling to play at all, wtf do you care about tone and the rest of that bollocks, as long as it sounds good in the headphones and believe me, these things sound incredible (£160 new).

Have I shown you how to fly your katana from the laptop? It's a piece of piss, I've still got it on mine which I kept for you for when you come 'round........now.........

I'm aware that my life has been like a war zone recently here and everyone who was at the Jam in Leicester knows that Natasha and I have had some very rough times.
In the last 7 days we've managed to fix 95% of the problems, keep hold of each other in some way and we're both a lot happier now so aside from the decorating which I've yet to still do, this place is back to normal and as free and open-door to you lot as it ever was - Thanks to those who do come around here fairly often for just staying out of the way recently, it really helped !

So, in the words of Tim Pierce, "Let's Review".......

• A (as good as) new LTD EC401
• A Boss Katana Amp
• Free use of expensive headphones
• Free Tutorial on how to fly the Katana from a laptop
• Free guitar lessons (and Coffee) any day you like for as long as you like on anything I'm capable of understanding and/or playing
• A pissed off wife that needs sweetening up.

This last one is easy.
Ed, I'm sorry but most of your guitars pale in the shadow of that LTD and yes, they may be great and whatever but with 12+ cheap guitars AND that LTD, it's no wonder your head's not with it in terms of real learning and progress, so kill two problems with one action.

Sell as many as you can get rid of but KEEP the LTD.
Give her ALL of the money from the sale of the guitars and tell her you love doing this and you want to get good so you've kept the good one and sold the rest to give her something she can love doing just as much.
Tell her to use the money to fund a hobby for herself,............because you care about her feeling.......ETC (!)

There's a solution in a box.

Question is, ....do you actually want to keep playing at all?

If not, do everything above except KEEP the LTD, AMP and spares and just put them away for when you next feel like playing.....and you will.
It's cyclic.
When you do realise you want to carry on and play again, pull out some decent kit and rock on.
That would cost you most of £1k to replace that guitar and amp brand new again. That *might* stop you doing this in future whereas having the guitar and amp put away is just effort to get it out again and *that's* Free !!!

As for stress,......You wouldn't want to know my thoughts on how to de-stress but there are millions of ways. Find one you 'Fit In' with and go with it.

Good luck mate.

I'll send you my new phone number now.

Thanks man, the LTD certainly is a nice guitar, and the Katana loves it.

I just updated my Katana to the new update and have tinkered with it a chunk so no worries there, it is literally physical quantities of time when I'm not knackered.

Will certainly pop round again soon, and I've certainly considered a gear clear-out.  Places to sell them are the main issue, there are certain ones I'd happily sell any time.

Really glad to hear things are going better for you and Natasha that is great news

Alnico

Sent you my New number on Whatsapp.

Let me know whatever, as and when man.

darthed1981

Thanks everyone who has commented on here, really brought out the positives of this place again for me, worth keeping playing to keep hanging out with you guys!!

I'm not going to quit but I do need to decide what to do with gear, tiredness and stress!

aord43

There are many, many good points here.  I am surprised and pleased to note that I am not the only one who pretty much didn't play when the kids came along.  I kept the guitar in the corner though, and every now and then, a quick fondle but more or less a break for almost 20 years.
Late 40s and I have been back at it for a couple of years, 16-year old son tells me to turn it down - but that's what headphones are for (his or mine ).
Being on TFB helps a lot too.
The other point someone (sorry) above made was when you're asked to "play something".  I am well aware that I can noodle around, play a riff here or there, a bit of this or that solo, or some chords but very very little that others would appreciate.  I am going to make an effort to have one or two go-to pieces that can be played solo on an acoustic or even electric when you're in that position.

Rox

darthed1981 said:

Great point about why try to get good - I guess to justify how much I like to buy guitars and gear.  People say "you have 12 guitars, you must be really good.." and I have to say "no, I suck, but I do love guitars"

If someone has lots of stamps, no one says "you must be great at delivering letters"...  If someone collects perfume bottles, no one assumes they're a fabulous perfumer.  If you have more than one car, no one says "you must be a brilliant driver".

I've resigned myself that I'll never be good, but guitars are lovely to look at and they make me happy when I do get a chance to play.

Bridgehouse

Stress.

Yes. That's the one you need to fix. Stress is a killer. Literally.

I am very lucky, in that my wife actively encourages anything that can relieve stress. She would prefer me to mess about on guitars and basses and make a bit of noise than keel over and die on her. 

Equally, stress can seriously affect your mental health, and you need ways to relieve that. 

This is going to sound harsh, but I would have a conversation with your wife and talk through the stress issues that you both have. Maybe even go to the docs and explain the stress. I think she needs to understand how important the guitar playing is.

Funny. I remember broaching the subject of spending an obscene amount of money on a bass with Mrs B. Ultimately the conversation came down to "will you play it? Will it make you happy? Will it relieve some stress?"

After thinking it though and telling her yes I thought it would, she said

"Well, you are useless to me dead..."

darthed1981

Rox said:

darthed1981 said:

Great point about why try to get good - I guess to justify how much I like to buy guitars and gear.  People say "you have 12 guitars, you must be really good.." and I have to say "no, I suck, but I do love guitars"

If someone has lots of stamps, no one says "you must be great at delivering letters"...  If someone collects perfume bottles, no one assumes they're a fabulous perfumer.  If you have more than one car, no one says "you must be a brilliant driver".

I've resigned myself that I'll never be good, but guitars are lovely to look at and they make me happy when I do get a chance to play.

That's an interesting point.  I guess the perception of guitar playing is important.

Also made upthread, people say "play something" - well play what?  Your best bet is something like "Sweet Child O'Mine" but that one isn't ideal if you can't really concentrate!

mikeyrob73

Im lucky in that my other half can see when i am getting cranky and tells me to go and play my guitar, headphones on play for an hour my stress levels reduce, i forget about the rest of the world for the time and just focus on what i am doing due to the fact i am a wee bit shite and have to fully focus on what i am doing. 

you have @alnico just round the corner, get round have a jam, chill out and enjoy. Dont get yourself wrapped up in how good or bad you are just enjoy it for what it is, YOU time. 

@Alnico good to hear things have sorted themself out for you man.