Jacking it all in...

Zoolooter

I've only been playing for about three years and I'm 47. I'm married with a very active two year old son, I have work stresses as I run a business with my wife. Yes, it's hard to find the time. It took a long serious chat, but she does understand that I need a creative outlet. I'm obviously still in the early stages but I love it, I get great enjoyment and satisfaction in each little step that makes me a bit better. Don't stop playing. Like me, it sounds like you need to create the right environment first before you enjoy it again.

breakstuff

I'm in exactly the same boat as you @darthed1981 (except a bit older.Wish I was still in my mid thirties  ).I'm on nights this week so usually have loads of time to myself in an afternoon, but have just got up,looked at my Charvel,and thought,can't be arsed.Pretty much the same as I do most days.I'm finding it increasingly hard to find the enthusiasm needed to pick it up and learn something new rather than going over the same old tired riffs and parts of solos that I already know.I keep going on at my brother in laws to each buy a drum kit and a bass just so I've got someone to jam with.I know we'd sound awfull but,what the hell,it would be our awfull.

Wives pretty much put a stop to that 

Rox

breakstuff said:

Wives pretty much put a stop to that 

Which reminds me of that joke: how do you stop your girlfriend having sex with you?  Marry her...

Alnico

 @mikeyrob73
Thanks.

It's going well so far and we're going to try to keep it more fun this time. She's moving out for a year or two, not far at all and she's still wearing her engagement ring so we're still serious. We both need more identity and *some* space - those who've been to my place will know how small it actually is so this isn't a total surprise but it's worked out well and we've remained best friends so there's a future. With our history, we're not brand new and we have something behind us but I guess this makes it feel brand new again and if that works, which it does then so be it.
It's been fun so far. Probably more fun than we've had in years so QED.

Veganic

breakstuff said:

In my life,why do I give valuable time to people who I'd much rather kick in the eye.

You can spend many happy hours just learning one "The Smiths" song - as long as you sing along you don't have to measure yourself against the originals.

darthed1981

Bridgehouse said:

Stress.

Yes. That's the one you need to fix. Stress is a killer. Literally.

I am very lucky, in that my wife actively encourages anything that can relieve stress. She would prefer me to mess about on guitars and basses and make a bit of noise than keel over and die on her. 

Equally, stress can seriously affect your mental health, and you need ways to relieve that. 

This is going to sound harsh, but I would have a conversation with your wife and talk through the stress issues that you both have. Maybe even go to the docs and explain the stress. I think she needs to understand how important the guitar playing is.

Funny. I remember broaching the subject of spending an obscene amount of money on a bass with Mrs B. Ultimately the conversation came down to "will you play it? Will it make you happy? Will it relieve some stress?"

After thinking it though and telling her yes I thought it would, she said

"Well, you are useless to me dead..."

Really good point @Bridgehouse (know you love being tagged) I've actually made a note now that me and the wife need to seriously plan some stress reduction, somehow!

Jalapeno

Did we mention the importance of HEADPHONES yet ?

markj

Any of the above Forum members that would like a jam buddy let me know. I don't have much spare time but if you live in the N'west  St.Helens area get in touch.

markv

On a slightly separate note of feeling like you're just playing the same old stuff again, and just noodling/fiddling - have you considered the "of the Month" challenges over in the "Making Music" section?

It does require a little more investment, both in kit (i.e. you need to be able to record yourself) and time, but the kit can be had for less than £50 (a simple audio interface and REAPER's trial) - I appreciate the time might be harder to find.

When I was getting back into playing, it made me feel like I was playing with a purpose. I've mainly done the "Solo of the Month" challenges, which I found easier because you're given a backing track to play with. I've ended up playing things I never thought I would.

breakstuff

Veganic said:

breakstuff said:

In my life,why do I give valuable time to people who I'd much rather kick in the eye.

You can spend many happy hours just learning one "The Smiths" song - as long as you sing along you don't have to measure yourself against the originals.

That IS good advice @Veganic ;

It's getting motivated enough to start learning that I find hard at the minute.

57Deluxe

I must try this on Mums Net - "Giving Up Sex For Good"

darthed1981

Jalapeno said:

Did we mention the importance of HEADPHONES yet ?

Just to clarify to everyone - I use headphones all the time, or I wouldn't play at all most of the time!

However, if she is in the same room, my wife objects strongly to the acoustic sound of an electric guitar, so it can be a challenge nonetheless!

John_A

darthed1981 said:

Jalapeno said:

Did we mention the importance of HEADPHONES yet ?

Just to clarify to everyone - I use headphones all the time, or I wouldn't play at all most of the time!

However, if she is in the same room, my wife objects strongly to the acoustic sound of an electric guitar, so it can be a challenge nonetheless!

Easily solved, ask her to leave the room!  

darthed1981

markv said:

On a slightly separate note of feeling like you're just playing the same old stuff again, and just noodling/fiddling - have you considered the "of the Month" challenges over in the "Making Music" section?

It does require a little more investment, both in kit (i.e. you need to be able to record yourself) and time, but the kit can be had for less than £50 (a simple audio interface and REAPER's trial) - I appreciate the time might be harder to find.

When I was getting back into playing, it made me feel like I was playing with a purpose. I've mainly done the "Solo of the Month" challenges, which I found easier because you're given a backing track to play with. I've ended up playing things I never thought I would.

Nice idea - I need to go in there more actually, always an interesting thread whenever I do.

Recording might be a good idea period!

mikeyrob73

yeah i get that @darthed1981 ;
i get the same so have slightly changed the dining room from an eating room into a room where we eat once a week and i keep my guitars :-) even then i get the occasional complaint that im hitting the strings too loudly lol 

Lewy

I also have two small kids (3 and nearly 2 yo) and I've found it important to make music something that you bring to the family, rather than something that just takes you away from it.

Which means I know just about every nursery rhyme, christmas song and CBeebies theme tune you can imagine and play them any time and anywhere I'm asked. Would I rather be working on my Clarence White crosspicking licks? Probably. Would I rather the guitar was in its case? Definitely not.

And obviously I don't know your other half, but I find that the above builds up a lot of spousal goodwill too. Make your guitar playing something that makes your kids happy - mums tend to look benevolently upon things that make their kids happy.

Veganic

darthed1981 said:

Jalapeno said:

Did we mention the importance of HEADPHONES yet ?

Just to clarify to everyone - I use headphones all the time, or I wouldn't play at all most of the time!

However, if she is in the same room, my wife objects strongly to the acoustic sound of an electric guitar, so it can be a challenge nonetheless!

Someone who shall not be named once said to me:  "if you've got headphones in why can I still hear it?"

SimpleSimon

Have a break for a bit - a few months or so. The hiatus will do you good and recharge your love of guitar!

Veganic

breakstuff said:

Veganic said:

breakstuff said:

In my life,why do I give valuable time to people who I'd much rather kick in the eye.

You can spend many happy hours just learning one "The Smiths" song - as long as you sing along you don't have to measure yourself against the originals.

That IS good advice @Veganic ;;

It's getting motivated enough to start learning that I find hard at the minute.

Well try "Wonderful woman", followed by "Girl Afraid", followed by...  She'll soon get the picture.


Edit: I may be confused about who exactly has "spousal grief" - if that is a real term

Vaiai

cruxiform said:

SNAKEBITE said:

I got divorced.

Expensive, but it does free up a bit of practice time.

Yup. My guitar playing has improved immensely since my divorce

Yeah I hear your right hand technique improves massively ...