Friday humour

Kittyfrisk

maltingsaudio

Are kids born 9 months from lockdown going to be called Coronials?

EricTheWeary

https://i.imgur.com/WVNUV4j.jpg

Cols

maltingsaudio said:

Are kids born 9 months from lockdown going to be called Coronials?

In 13 years and 9 months they’ll be called quaranteenagers.

Kittyfrisk

Man goes into a police station & says 'My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home...'

Desk Sergeant : What is her height?

Man: Erm, I'm not sure. A little over about five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Man: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Medium, yes, that's it.

Sergeant: Colour of eyes?

Man: Sort of brown-ish

Sergeant: Colour of hair?

Man:Hmmm, Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Man: Could have been jeans, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Man: She went in my Audi

Sergeant: What kind of Audi was it?

Man: (now sobbing uncontrollably)

It was an Audi A4 Black Edition.

Ambient Lighting pack - A4 Front and outer rear heated seats, Valcona leather - Lunar silver + super sport seats, 3 spoke heated sports leather multifunction steering wheel with paddle shift, LED Matrix headlights with high beam assist, Pearlescent paint, Audi drive select, Audi parking system plus with front and rear sensors, Audible and visual fasten seat belt warning - front and rear, Cruise control, Driver's information system, MMI SD card Navigation, Mobile telephone preparation, PAS, Service interval indicator, 3 point seatbelts on all seats, ABS-EBD, ASR traction control, Curtain airbags, Driver and passenger airbags, Driver-front passenger side airbags, Electromechanical parking brake, Electronic stability control, Front passenger airbag deactivation, Hill hold assist, Tyre pressure monitoring system, Warning triangle and first aid kit, Anti theft alarm, Anti-theft wheel bolts, Immobiliser, Keyless Start, Remote central locking, Audi music interface, Auxiliary input socket, DAB digital radio module, MMI Radio plus with CD player and bluetooth interface, SD card slot, USB connection, 12V power in rear centre console, 4 way electric lumbar support, 4 zone climate control, Aluminium door sill trims, Black cloth headlining, Double cargo floor, Electric front seats + driver memory, Front centre armrest, Front head restraints, Front-rear floor mats, Height adjustable front seats, Isofix front passenger and rear seat preparation, Jack and tool kit, Load lashing points, Luggage compartment cover, Luggage rails, Perforated leather gearknob, Rear headrests, Split folding rear seat, Auto dimming rear view mirror, Automatic headlights + automatic windscreen wipers, Body coloured bumpers, Body coloured door mirrors and handles, Body coloured roof spoiler, Door sill trims with S line logo, Electric front-rear windows, Headlight washers, High gloss black door mirrors, High gloss black finish B pillar, High gloss black triangular aperture at rear door, LED daytime running lights, LED rear lights, Light sensor, Platinum grey front lip spoiler, Privacy glass (to rear of B post), Rain sensor, Rear wiper, Alcantara door trim, Piano black finish inlay, Space saver spare wheel, Black Styling pack - A6 Avant, Non smoking pack - A6, Diesel particulate filter

axisus

Nitefly

Quarantine day 10.

Our Maud:  Do you want something to eat?

Me: What are the choices?

Our Maud:  YES OR FUCKING NO!

drofluf

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=165245857949623

Sorry can't work out how to embed the video

Kittyfrisk

axisus

AlexC

Look out for your neighbours in this time of crises, they said.
Have a sense of community, they said.
88 yr old woman who lives over the road hasn’t bothered her arse to check up on me once!
Mind you - she’s a lazy old sod. Hasn’t even taken her milk bottles in for a week.

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

breakstuff

 

breezytele

paulnb57 said:

Hmm...   both of them are still doctors and working on the frontline... 

Kittyfrisk

proggy

Kittyfrisk said:

Yes (if you're from Norfolk)

the_jaffa

axisus