Friday humour

Haych

proggy

A budgie walks into a pet shop wearing a balaclava and brandishing a sawn off shotgun.

He shouts,  "Open the fucking trill"

axisus

Gandalph

maltingsaudio

https://youtu.be/Yfawvs5PouA

Haych

Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today. An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink. 

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.  He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. 

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. 

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.  Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. 

Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, 'What is it you are waiting for?' 

She answered 'THE TEETH'. 

Tannin

The Friday laugh that never goes away: this thread.

(I haven't seen a single day of the week - not a Tuesday, not a Saturday, not any other day  - when this "Friday" humor thread is not posted to.)

Haych

My friend gave me his EpiPen as he was dying. For some reason, it seemed really important to him that I have it!

Haych

Tannin said:

The Friday laugh that never goes away: this thread.

(I haven't seen a single day of the week - not a Tuesday, not a Saturday, not any other day  - when this "Friday" humor thread is not posted to.)

Well, I'm woke see, so I don't discriminate against other days that aren't Friday.  #otherdaysmatter

TheMarlin

TheMarlin

strtdv

They're wise because if asked in court what they wrote they can say almost anything

MikeC

yes, as a lawyer friend told me: 'Dance like nobody is watching.... text and email like it will be read in court someday' 

JohnS37

When things don’t turn out quite right, my lovely wife is fond of telling me I should have ‘thought it through’.
Good advice of course, but how will I remember next time?
Perhaps an acronym would help - you know, like KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid.
So, let’s see: Think It Through . . .

TheMarlin

proggy

Me:  "Excuse me, are these 'genetically modified' carrots?"

Grocer:  "No, Why do you ask?"

Carrot:  "Yeah, why do you ask?"

EricTheWeary

Bored of your career? Why not retrain as a Medium? The self employed career choice that anyone can do. After all it’s not rocket seance. 

phil_b

Tannin said:

The Friday laugh that never goes away: this thread.

(I haven't seen a single day of the week - not a Tuesday, not a Saturday, not any other day  - when this "Friday" humor thread is not posted to.)

Thats the Joke

TheMarlin

TheMarlin