Friday humour

Haych

Haych

proggy

I saw a beggar sitting outside the station with a card that read "This Could Be You One Day"

So I put my pound back in my pocket just in case he's right.

TheMarlin

TheMarlin

proggy

Genie: You have three wishes.

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers.

Genie: Done. You have no more wishes.

Me: But you said I had three!

Genie: So sue me.

HAL9000

For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists: I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom. I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in my garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them ‘thumbs up’ and tell them I ‘like’ them. And it works just like Facebook. I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator, and a psychiatrist.

rogd

EricTheWeary

HAL9000 said:

For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists: I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom. I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in my garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them ‘thumbs up’ and tell them I ‘like’ them. And it works just like Facebook. I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator, and a psychiatrist.

There's a great Ivor Cutler story ( which certainly pre dates social media) about how to make friends. As I recall it it's sit by an upstairs window and pour whitewash on a passerby's head, run out to apologise, offer to clean their clothes and run a bath, get chatting whilst all this happens... it's very old school charming. I don't think Ivor would have liked Facebook. 

Shrews

proggy said:

Genie: You have three wishes.

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers.

Genie: Done. You have no more wishes.

Me: But you said I had three!

Genie: So sue me.

With those genie wishes things, why doesn't any person just say 'I'd like ten million other wishes'?

I suppose if you got your ten million wishes then you'd have to be careful what you say. For example: 'I wish it would stop raining', probably wouldn't help the environment much.

rogd

the_jaffa

rogd said:

Pork sword?

breakstuff

rogd said:

Appropriate user name.

HAL9000

Genie: I grant you one wish.
John: I want my name to be in lights in every theatre in the country.
Genie: Granted
Exit: Yeah, thanks.

HAL9000

Shrews said:

proggy said:

Genie: You have three wishes.

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers.

Genie: Done. You have no more wishes.

Me: But you said I had three!

Genie: So sue me.

With those genie wishes things, why doesn't any person just say 'I'd like ten million other wishes'?

I suppose if you got your ten million wishes then you'd have to be careful what you say. For example: 'I wish it would stop raining', probably wouldn't help the environment much.

I think it’s normally assumed that you can’t ask for more wishes. I think it’s ok to ask for more genies though.

axisus

Haych

Last night somebody dumped a massive load of Lego all over my front lawn.

I don't know what to make of it!

proggy

Who's the fattest geezer in Iran?

Ayatollah Pies.

Nitefly

Spotted outside a travel agent's in Lytham St Annes:

"Travel News:  You can now travel to any country that voted for us in Eurovision".

Haych