Friday humour

HAL9000

If The Jam reformed and Cream got back together, and if they toured the West Country - then presumably The Jam would go on first in Cornwall, but would headline in Devon...

EricTheWeary

HAL9000 said:

If The Jam reformed and Cream got back together, and if they toured the West Country - then presumably The Jam would go on first in Cornwall, but would headline in Devon...

…although they’d both be on after The Rolling Scones. 

monquixote

EricTheWeary said:

HAL9000 said:

If The Jam reformed and Cream got back together, and if they toured the West Country - then presumably The Jam would go on first in Cornwall, but would headline in Devon...

…although they’d both be on after The Rolling Scones. 

Congratulations you have won the internet

Kebabkid

TheOtherDennis

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?


An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee.

TheOtherDennis

SlopeSoarer said:

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.

(Still makes me laugh)

I am both rather proud of myself and deeply embarrassed by my Dysons.

Last week it was the upright, today the handheld.

Proud because on both occasions, I identified why they were misfiring and failing to work, took the cleaning heads apart, cleared them and then reassembled them, thus bringing both machines back to their full working capacity.

Deeply embarrassed for the same reason - I clearly live in a house with so much dog hair and other filth in the carpets that I've blocked two of the most powerful and efficient vacuums on the planet in the space of a fortnight.

proggy

I went to an antiques fair at the weekend and found an old orange, leathery tool.

Turned out to be David Dickinson.

TheMarlin

Brio

Hmmm. Not too certain about that one....

TheMarlin

Brio said:

Hmmm. Not too certain about that one....

It was risky, but worthy of contention…….
Apologies to any Officers Of The Law I may have offended. 

TheMarlin

TheMarlin

proggy

I went into Waterstones and said to the assistant, "I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare"
"Which one?" she asked
"William" I replied

HAL9000

I went into Waterstones and said to the assistant, ‘I’m looking  for a book about pantomime’.
She said, ‘It’s behind you’.

I went into Waterstones and said to the assistant, ‘I’m looking  for the Cherie Blair biography’.
She said, ‘Oh, that’s the one over there with the badly fitting jacket’. 

tone1

https://i.imgur.com/8fRkKF6.jpg

Kittyfrisk

UK population celebrates return to normality.

monquixote

tone1 said:

https://i.imgur.com/8fRkKF6.jpg

When I was a waiter I had the opposite. 

Usually we asked people if they wanted any bread with their meal and being new I forgot. 

He called me over and tore a strip out of me for not asking. I said "OK, sorry I'll go and get you some bread"

He said "I don't want any I just think it's rude that you didn't ask"

This is why nice to you, but rude to the waiter = bad person is a rule to live by.

axisus

maltingsaudio

axisus said:

Wish this one was true!

springhead

HAL9000 said:

I went into Waterstones and said to the assistant, ‘I’m looking  for a book about pantomime’.
She said, ‘It’s behind you’.

I went into Waterstones and said to the assistant, ‘I’m looking  for the Cherie Blair biography’.
She said, ‘Oh, that’s the one over there with the badly fitting jacket’. 

True story.  Friend got a job in Waterstones and a woman came upto his counter and asked for a book on Jordan.  She wasn't best pleased when he went off and fetched a Katie Price biography, she did indeed mean the country!