Friday humour

proggy

I went into Waterstones and said to the assistant, "I'm going to Thailand for my holiday, have you got a book on how to spot a ladyboy?"

She said, "We have, It's tucked away somewhere"

I said, "Yes, that's the one I'm looking for"

HAL9000

springhead said:

HAL9000 said:

I went into Waterstones and said to the assistant, ‘I’m looking  for a book about pantomime’.
She said, ‘It’s behind you’.

I went into Waterstones and said to the assistant, ‘I’m looking  for the Cherie Blair biography’.
She said, ‘Oh, that’s the one over there with the badly fitting jacket’. 

True story.  Friend got a job in Waterstones and a woman came upto his counter and asked for a book on Jordan.  She wasn't best pleased when he went off and fetched a Katie Price biography, she did indeed mean the country!

Another true story - I used to work near Horsham. The Waterstones there once had a window display of gardening books. The centrepiece was Alex Haley’s ‘Roots’.

monquixote

I never met an audio engineer I didn't like.
They're sound guys.

sev112

TheOtherDennis said:

SlopeSoarer said:

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.

(Still makes me laugh)

I am both rather proud of myself and deeply embarrassed by my Dysons.

Last week it was the upright, today the handheld.

Proud because on both occasions, I identified why they were misfiring and failing to work, took the cleaning heads apart, cleared them and then reassembled them, thus bringing both machines back to their full working capacity.

Deeply embarrassed for the same reason - I clearly live in a house with so much dog hair and other filth in the carpets that I've blocked two of the most powerful and efficient vacuums on the planet in the space of a fortnight.

What’s the punchline? 

M1ck

True story probably fits in here with the current theme of true stories!
W H Smiths - Fort William, I asked for a dozen 1st class stamps and was told “we’ve only got books of 6 or 12!” 

littlegreenman

Stratavarious

sev112 said:

TheOtherDennis said:

SlopeSoarer said:

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.

(Still makes me laugh)

I am both rather proud of myself and deeply embarrassed by my Dysons.

Last week it was the upright, today the handheld.

Proud because on both occasions, I identified why they were misfiring and failing to work, took the cleaning heads apart, cleared them and then reassembled them, thus bringing both machines back to their full working capacity.

Deeply embarrassed for the same reason - I clearly live in a house with so much dog hair and other filth in the carpets that I've blocked two of the most powerful and efficient vacuums on the planet in the space of a fortnight.

What’s the punchline? 

Dysons suck.  Should have bought a Henry

Haych

Stratavarious said:

sev112 said:

TheOtherDennis said:

SlopeSoarer said:

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.

(Still makes me laugh)

I am both rather proud of myself and deeply embarrassed by my Dysons.

Last week it was the upright, today the handheld.

Proud because on both occasions, I identified why they were misfiring and failing to work, took the cleaning heads apart, cleared them and then reassembled them, thus bringing both machines back to their full working capacity.

Deeply embarrassed for the same reason - I clearly live in a house with so much dog hair and other filth in the carpets that I've blocked two of the most powerful and efficient vacuums on the planet in the space of a fortnight.

What’s the punchline? 

Dyson’s suck.  Should have bought a Henry

Henry snorts:

littlegreenman

axisus

axisus

axisus

Gandalph

boogieman

A woman was sitting at her husband’s funeral. The guy next her to her leaned over and asked 

“Excuse me. Do you mind if I say a word?”

”No that’s fine” she replied. 

The guy stood up, cleared his throat and said “ Plethora” and sat down. 

The widow smiled and said “Thanks, that means a lot”. 

Hottubes

axisus said:

Merkels the Goalie.

strtdv

Hottubes said:

axisus said:

Merkels the Goalie.

Fairly accurate

Gandalph

fob

Hottubes

strtdv said:

Hottubes said:

axisus said:

Merkels the Goalie.

Fairly accurate

The fattest worst player always goes in goal. You must remember in school.

Lebarque