Friday humour

maltingsaudio

Danny1969 said:

mikeyrob73 said:

Well I have obviously watched far to much porn hub as I got the joke and thought it was funny 

There's a prequel to the joke where the girlfriend is in a Taxi on her way to the interview 

Googling prequel to joke I don’t get didn’t work

AK99

Danny1969 said:

mikeyrob73 said:

Well I have obviously watched far to much porn hub as I got the joke and thought it was funny 

There's a prequel to the joke where the girlfriend is in a Taxi on her way to the interview 

Fake news..

proggy

I was in a taxi. The driver said to me, "I've got the best job in the world I have. I'm my own boss and no-one tells me what to do"

I said, "Ok mate, just do a left here and pull up outside the pub"

Gandalph

TheMarlin

proggy

I went to give a sperm sample yesterday. The nurse said, "Would you like to masturbate in the cup?"

I said, "Thanks, but I don't think I'm ready for a competition just yet"

drofluf

rogd

Its a spider missing three legs yer daft bugger!!

rogd

proggy

I phoned the child abuse hotline and some little kid told me to fuck off.

Fretwired

boogieman

In the USA: you drive for 2 days and you’re still in the same state. 

In the U.K: you drive for 40 minutes, the accent has already changed twice and there’s a different name for bread rolls. 

proggy

boogieman said:

In the USA: you drive for 2 days and you’re still in the same state. 

In the U.K: you drive for 40 minutes, the accent has already changed twice and there’s a different name for bread rolls. 

Unless you're in London, then you'll still be in the same bloody borough.

fob

A New Religion:

sev112

Peoples democratic front (of judea) ?

Kittyfrisk

Genius at work...

HAL9000

boogieman said:

In the USA: you drive for 2 days and you’re still in the same state. 

I had a car like that once...

proggy

My to do list.

1. Be lazy.

2.

boogieman

Dave and his wife Davina go to a sex therapist because his wife can never reach orgasm. The therapist does lots of tests and comes to the conclusion that it’s down to Davina getting too hot during sex. He advises them to buy a fan. 

But Dave is too mean to fork out for a fan so he asks their neighbour to wave a towel over them while they’re shagging. 

They start shagging. The neighbour waves the towel. Nothing happens though, so Davina suggests they swap over. So Dave waves the towel while the neighbour shags Davina. Before too long she has her first orgasm in years, and it’s truly earth shattering.  

Dave looks at his neighbour and shouts out “now THAT, my friend, is how you wave a towel!” 

proggy

Last night I dreamt I was Peter Noone from Herman's Hermits.

Woke up this morning feelin' fine..........