A white coffee please.

viz

Why does this phrase no longer mean anything? It used to mean a mixture of 85-90% filtered coffee with 10-15% milk. Today I got given a cup of black coffee. The bloke said I should have asked for an Americano with milk, or a Latte if I wanted milk. A "white coffee" is apparently now an Americano on its own. What's going on?

breakstuff

Pretentious drivel,that's what.

Fuzzdog

I find it strange whenever I'm in a coffee shop, and I ask for a white coffee - the staff clearly know exactly what I'm talking about, but seem to act as if some rule forbids them from moving from the spot unless the correct sequence of code words are uttered, as if some kind of coffee-based Darth Vader was watching them, ready to force choke them if they allow even one single coffee to be served without the correct codes.

Me - "Hi there!  White coffee, please."

Them - *slightly terrified look and awkward silence with occasional subtle head bobs towards the board of coffee code names behind them*

Me - "A large straight Americano with milk, please."

Them -  "Of course!"  *visible relief as they scamper off to make me a white coffee*

Samgb

This really boils my piss i have to admit. The thing is, an Americano is NOT a white coffee. Even when you put milk in it it is still a watered down espresso isnt it?

Pret a Manger actually do filter coffee for 99p so thatll do me. I have no idea why a coffee shop wouldnt have filter coffee ready in the jug on a hot plate to serve alongside the milky, frothy, sugary piss that comes out of the big shiny machines.  

I ended up buying a cafetiere for work because i was sick of paying obscene prices for bad coffee on the way in in the morning. Much cheaper and vastly superior quality.

EricTheWeary

TBH you have brought this upon yourself by going to places that are too upmarket. Both Greggs and McDonalds still do white coffee.
The sizes in Italian in coffee shops I find particularly pointless. They are written in tiny script on the board ( so,hard to read even if you want to) and I've almost never heard anyone say anything other than small, medium or large. Maybe they do in that there London but in Costa in West Bromwich it's not happening.

viz

I've worked out that the most efficient way of asking for it is: "Can I have (not get) a white coffee please, also known as a filter coffee with milk, what the French call café au laît, but which to you and your little chemistry set is probably a medium single-shot Americano with milk, and I don't care whether it's hot or cold milk, but just please put it in with the actual coffee instead of in a miniature jug because I want a white coffee, thank you."

thomasross20

I don't know what all the different types of coffee are. White, Americano, Latte, Machiatto, others...!?!?

richardhomer

A bit like specialist hi fi shops - designed to confuse and justify the price.

A 'white coffee' isn't a 'value-added' proposition - as people in marketing would probably choose to call it.

Samgb

thomasross20 said:

I don't know what all the different types of coffee are. White, Americano, Latte, Machiatto, others...!?!?

White/black is a filter coffee with milk or without, Americano is a shot of espresso watered down(add milk if you like), Latte is warm milk with a shot of espresso in it, Cappuccino is frothed milk with a shot of espresso in it, Mocha is coffee/chocolate combo, Frappe = an iced coffee of some description, Macchiattos are variations on lattes with caramel, hazelnut whatever syrup added as flavouring. Have i missed anything?

mart

viz said:

... what the French call café au laît, ...

You get a wisdom except for this bit, which is one of my bugbears. I never, ever heard or saw the phrase café au laît in France - they always called it café crême. We all got taught café au laît in school, but it's French as spoken in British schools, not French as spoken by anybody in France.

octatonic

Did you lot scoff all the grumpy biscuits last night?

Samgb

EricTheWeary said:

TBH you have brought this upon yourself by going to places that are too upmarket. Both Greggs and McDonalds still do white coffee.
The sizes in Italian in coffee shops I find particularly pointless. They are written in tiny script on the board ( so,hard to read even if you want to) and I've almost never heard anyone say anything other than small, medium or large. Maybe they do in that there London but in Costa in West Bromwich it's not happening.

Actually McDonalds coffee is ok. Better than an Americano thats for damn sure! 

ICBM

What do you expect if you go into an overpriced corporate hipster posing place?

I prefer not to pay through the nose for the privilege of being patronised and given drinks I didn't order, so I don't.

What's a black coffee in one of these places by the way? Just in case I ever get dragged into one by someone else who is paying.

mike_l

viz said:

I've worked out that the most efficient way of asking for it is: "Can I have not get a white coffee please, which you may know as a filter coffee with millk, what the French call café au laît, but which to you and your little chemistry set is probably a medium single-shot Americano with milk, and I don't care whether it's hot or cold milk, but just please put it in with the actual coffee instead of in a miniature jug because I want a white coffee, thank you."

I find the best wayis to brandish a large firearm and say clearly, "give me a white tea* no sugar, bitch".  Never had a problem

 

*May work for coffee, but that's just shite in a cup.

spacecadet

This is unfortunately the way of the world at the moment. You will be served coffee by a generation that has zero common sense, seem to be desperate to be Merican, and are generally lazy and unwilling to do anything remotely resembling hard work. 

What really gets me is when I ask for a black coffee, they ask large or small and do I want milk!!!!! Twats that are destined to only serve you a coffee or if they move up the ladder, maybe a burger. 

holnrew

Americanos are for pussies, like the GIs they're named after. 

lloyd

Why not just ask for it the way they want you to? It doesn't grip anyone's shit (as far as I'm aware) to ask for a Sausage McMuffin or whatever in McDonalds, same principle here. Blood pressure is reduced everyone's happy.

Sambostar

People who speak English as a second or third language on zero hour contracts on the minimum wage don't have a grasp of 'White coffee'.

Moe_Zambeek

mart;606656" said:

viz said:

... what the French call café au laît, ...





You get a wisdom except for this bit, which is one of my bugbears. I never, ever heard or saw the phrase café au laît in France - they always called it café crême. We all got taught café au laît in school, but it's French as spoken in British schools, not French as spoken by anybody in France.

Isn't this because generally the French drink coffe with cream, not milk? If you want it with milk you'll need to ask for cafe au lait, and suffer the head scratching confusion that ensues as they try to find some milk...

thecolourbox

I asked for a coffee without cream the other day, the nice lady behind the counter said "I'm sorry we don't have cream, would you like it without milk instead?"

Col_Decker

Make yourself a cup of instant when you get to work and save your money for a nice lunch time pint.

 

sorted